I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
