Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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