The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
