ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize