Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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