If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
