So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
