made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
