the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
