I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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