We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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