Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
