You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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