living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
