I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
