You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
