I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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