I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
