I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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