if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
