It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
