So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
