I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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