Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize