Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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