The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
