Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
