do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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