dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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