you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
