Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Randomize
