Princesses don't give blow jobs
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
