He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
