Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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