I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
