she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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