my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
