last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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