youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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