Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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