I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
