he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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