and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
