i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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