I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
