We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
