i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
