TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
