i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
