I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
