and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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