I accidentally burped into my bong.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
