So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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