Dual....:-)
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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