I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
