Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
