found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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