He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
