You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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