You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
