he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
