Non-Jews are for practice
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
