you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
