Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
