I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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