Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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