Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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