Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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