And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
