love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
