In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
