i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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