We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
