I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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