I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
