shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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