I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
