From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
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im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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