he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
