I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
