i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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