This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize