My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
