She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
50% drunk capacity currently
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
