Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
