He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
