Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
