ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
